so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
