rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
