She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
