theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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