i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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