dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
