I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
