how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
