i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Less talking, more tequila
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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