Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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