i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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