Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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