She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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