I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
