omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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