Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
