i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
