She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
