Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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