it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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