So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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