pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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