Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
