I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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