Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
