after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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