I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
