I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
