I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
