You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
