Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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