I hate all girls vehemently.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
