is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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