I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
