I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
