i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
