8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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