I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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