Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
