this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i love accidental penises.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
