He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
