my mouth tastes like poor choices
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
