Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
