how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
