Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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