it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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