Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
