I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
smell my finger.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
