Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
