I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
