nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
