Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
