Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
