I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
