Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
