what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
