Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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