You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
