Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
