Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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