Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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