Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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