One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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