It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
