I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Less talking, more tequila
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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