I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
