I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
