The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
