I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
