you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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