Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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