i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
