My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
