I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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