He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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