We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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