sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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