so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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