I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
