I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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