Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
